I am taking the MCAT in 10 hours.

HOLY CRAP!  WHERE DID THE TIME GO? MERRRRRRRRRR!

I am excited to be done with it, but nervous and anxious and etc etc etc... And I need to go to bed... like... now.

I'll be brief, as I have things to do.

I wrote an entry yesterday but didn't post it yet because the picture I wanted to update it with is in another city, currently.  Today's entry will be without picture for the same reason.  I'll get to that eventually, and post that entry.

I haven't updated in a while.  I've been busy, though.  I still am.  I just thought I'd acknowledge out loud (or at least, in public) that tomorrow will not be a very pleasant day and so if I seem bitchy/rude, I apologize in advance.

N

I am maybe a little bit too objective sometimes, especially in the nighttime.  My friend described me as "sterile."  I think this is where people get the idea that I am cold-hearted.  Also I am told that I am British, because I enunciate things.  I also somehow manage to lose some conjunctions.

I do not think people can relate to me when I am like this.  I am very specific and particular, but I outwardly seem too calm and collected to be "human."  Humans are soft and smushy and gushy, not like this.

Is this a bad thing?  It seems very often that it is, because I do not get compliments and the like.  I only hear negative things about when I am like this, but I was sometimes told when I was younger that it is good to be objective.  I am a product of all the experiences of my past...  Maybe I am too scientific.  Is there such a thing?  I am not so stuck on science as some people, who write articles relating IQ to religious beliefs (http://scienceblogs.com/gnxp/2008/12/religion_iq.php ).  I think that is kind of silly, and taking things a little bit too far.  Here I am, though, analyzing my speech patterns and what they mean.  It would be simple to just speak differently.  I think it would be better because then I would seem less harsh to everyone else.  It does not matter so much to me, and if others care, I might as well change it.  But maybe I lose some of my individuality, then.  Maybe society should not be humored, and people should fight conforming.  But maybe this battle is too stupid a point to argue.  Sometimes I argue too much.

I think that I pay a lot of attention to very little things that do not really matter to anyone.  I do not think anybody cares.  Maybe I care so someone does.  I care a lot.  I think maybe it is time everyone else did, too.  Everything is important, or else it would not exist.  Everything should matter to someone.  A lot of things do not matter to people, so then I take the job of caring.  It is sometimes a lot to handle, especially since there are people who do not care about themselves.  Everyone should care about themselves, because if not they rely on someone else to care about them, and what if nobody is there to do that?

So then what happens?

I understand doing things that are good for one's self that mess up things for others.  I understand doing things for someone else that mess up things for one's self.  What I don't understand is doing things for one's self without recognizing the consequences of the actions.

Please, people, think before you act.  It doesn't take too long and it makes a world of difference.  I'm not asking for much...  Is it really so hard?  All I want for Christmas is for the world to have common sense.

( A year in review, meme style )

I have 2 of the grades for this semester so far. Biochem was disheartening, but better than expected. Man did that class kick my ass. Rawr. German was a nice surprise, though. Given the amount of work I should have done and didn't for that class, I expected a lower grade. I'm not complaining, though. In the class I'm waiting for, I should have an A, unless I bombed the final paper (which I highly doubt). I was one of the top two grades before turning in the final paper, I believe. Somewhere in the very top, anyway. And I work for the professor. Speaking of, I'm also waiting for my grade for doing research. It'll be an A as well, I assume... Sometimes the prof forgets to put that grade in, though... I'll maybe send him an e-mail reminder... Last time he had to go through a lot of hassle because he turned it in late. :P

More on the semester later (I'll do a "Semester in Review" thing again with separate entries on people, classes, etc. like I've done before)... Now, sleep. Enjoy yourselves, people.

Also, only 18 days until my birthday. :D

Keeping an air of mystery would probably be a good thing. I know it is something that draws me towards people. I do the exact opposite. It supposedly complements, but that's just my justification for the way I am. I want to know everything about everyone, and so I share everything about me. I always want to know about others, though. Mystery attracts me, I think. I always want to solve the puzzle.

I almost always do.

Since I've already resigned myself to an unnecessary all-nighter, I'll tell you all a story. Unfortunately, it does not involve three spies, and probably isn't all that interesting for any of you, but it's something that meant a lot to me, once.
( Once upon a time... )

The reason I am bringing this up is that I have a friend who just mentioned a story and told me he would tell me sometime later... after exams... in January, presumably. Unfortunately, due to my need to solve puzzles, I am very curious. It's very distracting, but it supposedly will take a long time to tell and probably is best left until after finals.

In other news, housing stuff sucks. So does studying for finals. So do car worries. So do expenses. The real world is terrible, sometimes.

http://www.mumbaimirror.com/index.aspx?Page=article&sectname=News%20-%20City&sectid=2&contentid=200812062008120602221869292e1aa6e

The person being interviewed in that is somebody I know's sister.  Please read.

Last week I found a wonderful place to live for next year.  It was a one bedroom place that was both close to campus and in my price range.  Crazy, right?  I was ecstatic.  This morning, I called at about 9:30 am, to try to set a time to meet to sign the contract.  Unfortunately, someone beat me to it and signed a contract at 9am today.  How unfortunate.

Now, I'm in the process of looking for housing, and I don't know if I should look for a 1br for myself still or a 3br for me and two of my current housemates.  Ideally we would find 1 more person and get two 2br places in the same complex (I've found a few of those that would be nice).  I'd have no problems doing that, but I don't have any more friends who are female and willing to do so with us that we know and would be happy with.

I know none of you all really care that much, but I thought I would bring it up because it has been weighing heavily on my mind.  I think what I'm going to do is try to find 1br places (I have a few more I could check out I guess :/) while the other two people see if they can find us another person.  If I get a 1br, then the two others can live together in one of the many 2br places I have found.  If they find another person, then I'll live with them.

I hope I find a place in time...

Thanksgiving in a little under an hour, so I'll post my thanks.

I am thankful that my family is not from Mumbai.  I hope that anyone you all know that may be in Mumbai right now is safe and accounted for.

I've been a little sad lately, for very little reason.  It's been very preoccupying.  I've been trying to work on a 400 word essay for hours and have done practically nothing.  Now I'm listening to the inspiring words of 'N Sync to cheer me up so I can work.  It might be kind of a long night. :/  I still have to complete this essay, clean a bathroom, and possibly study biochemistry before sleep.

On the plus side, both Lego teams were in the top 12 at yesterday's regional competition.  That means we're moving on to the state competition.  That means I still work with the team.  Wahoo!  Each team also won a trophy (ours was green and white - ironic).


This is my team's trophy.  We won it for robot design... They thought our technical presentation was really good... ironically, that was our worst thing at the practice competition.  Also ironically, we are Michigan Lego.  The trophy colors are less than desirable :P

As much as sometimes I feel very lonely and distraught and wish I had more social contact, as a whole,

I'M SO SICK OF PEOPLE.

I'm glad my plans for next year involve living alone.

When bad things happen, my mother gets closer to God.  I get farther.  It's probably a cultural upbringing thing.

This week is going to be absolutely ridiculous.

Don't believe me?  Here's why...

On Monday, I have 4 hours of class.  Not a big deal.  I'll also start studying for an exam that is next Monday and clean a bathroom.

Tuesday, I have 2 hours of class, work, possibly an extra practice for lego, an appointment to donate blood, a meeting at 5pm on north campus, a meeting at 7 on central, a meeting at 8 on central.

Wednesday, I have 3 hours of class, possibly work, possibly extra lego practice, a meeting at 3pm, and a meeting at 4 pm

Thursday, I have a meeting at 7:30 am, 1 hour of class, work, probably extra lego practice

Friday, I have 2 hours of class, a volunteer-type thing on north campus for 4 hours, and a group i am  in is showing a movie

I AM GOING TO EXPLODE.  But thanksgiving break is soon... those two days will help... imsotired...

Something one of my housemates said last night has been nagging at me for hours.  "We won!" she exclaimed, as it was announced that Obama was the president-elect of the United States.  It's not a correct statement.  In fact, it has an absolutely horrible connotation. 

I do not mean to say that Obama winning is bad.  I will, in fact, not put forth any opinion as to outcome of the election at this time.

The problem with what she said was "we."  We did not win, he did.  Sure, there are many who cheered the victory, and who wanted it very badly.  Many thought the other possible outcome to be absolutely terrible, and so by avoiding it they feel relief and pleasure.  We did not win, though.  Saying such implies that all Obama supporters are one one team, and McCain supporters are a separate team.  If "we" won, then they lost.  No, in reality, only he lost.  If "they" lost and "we" won, then we are not united.

It would be a terrible thing, indeed, to see our country divided over something like our governing process.  We are not divided, we are one nation.  Is that not what we learned and recited every day for years and years in elementary school?  "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands:  one nation (under God), indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

Let us be one nation, please. 

It's hard to be a grown up, sometimes.  I had an in-depth, mature conversation with my mother today.  Actually, we had a few conversations that would fit such a description.  We discussed religious fanatics, racism, college students, friendships, the way I was raised, her methods of interacting with people, etc.  Now, I'm sitting in my room, wishing I had a few more things.  One of those things is someone to tell all of this to, so I don't need to always post it on a public medium - a confidante, if you will.  Another is more time to spend with certain people that I know.   I also thought about that question that people sometimes ask.  The one about who you would have lunch with if you could dine with anyone, living or dead, fictional or real.  I decided on my answer for the time being - I would dine with my dad.  I would love to spend more time with him, now that I can't.

Where did these thoughts come from?  I went to the temple with my mom today for a Diwali function.  Mom and I sat at a table with some of her co-workers and their families.  One of those families involved a mother (mom's co-worker), a daughter (a few years older than me), and a father.  The other children of that family did not attend.  The father was a nice older gentleman who happened to be sitting next to me.  Whenever mom would get up to go talk to someone and I would be sitting awkwardly alone, he would talk to me.  He was a typical Indian, accent and all, talking to me about school and stocks and other such things.  He also had a cell phone that was clearly too fancy for him (he had a Palm Centro but didn't know the name of it... he called it a "keyboard phone" I think) and he was very excited when I asked him about it.  He talked enthusiastically and showed me a few things.  Afterward, I wished I had someone like that in my life, and realized how much he reminded me of my dad and how much I missed him.

Also, there's a revelation that has been in the back of my mind lately and I think I'm finally willing to admit it to someone other than myself.  I'm more confident about it after the Diwali function.  A few of mom's students were at the function with their parents, and one of them sat on mom's lap for a while.  Rather than pay attention to the guy singing on stage I decided to try talking to the little girl... In the process, I also saw some other little kids.  I realized how much more fun I had trying to get the five year old girl to say hello to me than I had interacting with pretty much anyone else there.  I thought about how much else I do with kids and how well I interact with them and also how much I enjoy it (the fun is more than the annoyance of the bratty ones, I think I've decided).  This has led me to lead to the conclusion that there is a high likelihood that I will be a pediatrician when I "grow up."  This has been a thought I've been tinkering with lately, and I'm finally willing to share it.
Crap, now I have to do well on the MCATs and go to medical school.

I think I'll cry before the end of the night.  Call it emotional cleansing, if you will.  The people I care the most about that are about my age are mostly lacking in my life.  The people I don't care as much about are just causing me stress, distress, and repulsion.  The people that cause me to worry are not stopping that any time soon, it seems.  I'm dealing with emotional burdens from friends because I voluntarily take them on, but I don't know if I am currently capable of dealing with them because I don't have time.  I want to help but sometimes I just can't and sometimes nothing can be done, anyway.  I'm very active on campus, have a job, work in a lab, go to class, and somehow also try to manage a social life, sleep, food, family obligations, and sanity.

The world keeps turning and I keep working and everything fades to a dull shade of grey.  Everything becomes lackluster.  Maybe I'm just becoming a pessimist, but... is this really it?  Is this the "college life" people reminisce about?  Sure, I do some silly things.  Sure, I have fun sometimes.  But I keep doing as I will and people do as they will, and they disappoint me.  I can't change people, but their actions are terrible.
-
I used to always claim that I do things only with selfish motives.  I take that back.  There is a limit to my selfishness.  I'm still inherently selfish, but that's not the end of the claim.  I don't do things taking in only my motivations and gains, but also those of others.  And anyway, I believe in the give and take.  If I take from a friendship, I give.  If I take from a resource, I give.  All's fair in something something.

Picture:
The glory of college is here to greet you:

I feel like I should want to throw up.  No, I do want to throw up.  Life's a disaster and I've got no distractions.  Instead of throwing up, though, I'm crying.

God damnit, why am I crying?  People have it worse.  Hell, I know people who have it worse.  Most people have it worse.  I'm being dramatic, joy.

So what's wrong in my life?

My closet rod broke.  Not a huge deal, but added stress and annoying and it's causing me to think of rearranging my room again.  I spent the last three days cleaning and reorganizing my room.  I finished today, and now all my clothes are on the floor again.  Great.

I'm worried about a friend, who has been working towards something for a long time and now, at the brink of success, I worry that something went wrong and won't work out.  If this happens for the friend, it's possible it'll happen for me, too.  Great.

Things in my family are getting ridiculous.  I don't actually think this belongs on a public medium, but it's something that is an issue that needs to be dealt with.  Great.

I started to think about my dad too much recently.  I miss him, and I can't do anything about it.  Great.

I was really really excited about school.  I was going to write an entry today, I had it all planned out.  It would be about my classes and books and how I was going to 4.0 the schedule and it was going to be awesome.  Nevermind.

Picture:
How many keychains do YOU have?

I am having kind of a tough time tonight.  There is a lot of negative attitude in my house, and on top of that I felt as if my friends were kind of forgetting about me today.  I basically moped around for most of the evening.  I ended up getting really mad at a friend over something completely unjustifiable on my part.  By the end of it all, I was just bringing everyone else down, I think.

However, I am not too happy with one of my friends.  I don't think the person has a very good hold on the person's life.  In fact, it kind of worries me sometimes.  Also, the person has not been treating me well as a friend lately.  I have put effort into the friendship and no effort has been put in on the other end.  Bad decisions have been running wild and things have been said in poor taste.  Really, it's unfortunate.  I on't know if the friendship will ever be salvaged.  Shame.


This is the wallpaper on my laptop for now.  I think I want to change it, though, since it's been like that for a few months.  Any suggestions?

I was thinking about my new journal, and how I've given it the subtitle "it's like suicide without sin" recently.  Do you think crazy religious groups against suicide would be upset with apoptosis if they knew what it was?  I mean, it is part of the body committing suicide...

Also... if we were truly not sexist, would everyone have to be bisexual?


I'm related to this guy.  He's my cousin's kid.  Be jealous!  He looks so happy... Ah, to be young and swinging...

Here, we come across my new journal.  How exciting.  An update on the day is in order, I suppose.

After lab today, the group went out to dinner at BWW.  It was really enjoyable.  Afterwards, one of the grad students and I walked most of the way home together since the buses had stopped running.  It was nice to get to know him better.  He and I are pretty similar, and I'm happy with this discovery.

Tomorrow I have to go in to work for part of the day, which won't be too bad since everyone going in has decided we're going to go out to lunch and a movie together, too.  I'm even getting  a ride into work from one of the grad students because the buses won't be running.  I'm pretty happy with the situation.

Lately, life has been pretty crazy.  I have no clue where I stand with one of my friends... Everything was going swell, but now I'm worried that I might have pushed too far too early in the friendship and caused him to back off.  I hope not, I'm relatively fond of him.

I'm starting to become more and more successful in the things that I do.  Actually, I don't think that's true, but it feels like it, since I've been generally more optimistic of late.  I don't know what happened to cause such a mood, but I'm not really complaining.  I've been happy and getting things done and making new friends and strengthening friendships and... I think part of the reason is that I've played a few card games recently, which I don't often get to do.  Also, there are new problems for me to help solve, which usually makes me feel better because I make other people feel better.

My car was having problems earlier this week.  I ended up having to take it into the shop and have something replaced, which cost 300 dollars.  Not happy.  However, I did have a lot of fun during that, hanging out with someone I don't see all that often. 

Now I need to go move my car and write a bit of snail mail.  Before I go, though, I have one thing to add.  I've been trying to come up with a way to make this journal unique from the other one, and I came up with my solution.  Every entry will have a picture attached to it.  It may have to do with the entry, it may not, but it will be a picture that I recently took.

Here's the first one: